USC - Roleplay Corner - Mane Six Hydra Adventures

ROLEPLAY CORNER - "Mane Six Hydra Adventure" by SylverDeathclaw & Solar's Wrath.

hello, and welcome to Roleplay Corner! where not even people pretending to have adventures in private chats are safe from my special brand of cynical assholery.

yeah i know, the slogan needs a little more work...

but yeah, today i'm gonna have a look at a Roleplay chat that took place in Derpibooru.org only seven days ago. why am i bothering with this? well, because it's so far the only MLP Fanfic that stars the Hydra Mane Six! now, if you ever bothered looking at that big honking picture in my profile page, you would have an idea what the Hydra Mane Six is. but for the sake of convenience, i'll elaborate...

the Hydra Mane Six is exactly what it sounds like; the My Little Pony Mane Six merged together into a giant, six-headed dragon creature. according to their Tumblr Account (yes, they have an account on Tumblr where you can ask them questions.) they ended up like this because of a magical accident. you see, when Twilight Sparkle became an immortal Alicorn Princess, her friends became bummed that she'll outlive all of them. so, for them to remain together forever, Twilight elected to use the Elements of Harmony and her own God powers to turn them into Alicorns like herself. something went horribly wrong and now-

HYDRA PINKIE PIE: (directly behind BH0.) We are now super duper awesometastic Hydra Pony!! Its so cool!! We'll be together forever now!!

BH0: AGH-!! where the hell did you come from!!??

HYDRA RAINBOW DASH: you tell us, you're the guy who willed us here for the sake of this stupid joke...

BH0: my jokes aren't stupid! i put a lot of work in every review i write on this frigging site!

HYDRA RAINBOW DASH: right... "dammit, Pencil! i broke you! you can't unbrake yourself!!" then Pencil goes, "i'm already as broken as Brokeback Mountain!~"

BH0: HEY! i was still trying to write a personality for Pencil at the time, shut the hell up!!

HYDRA RAINBOW DASH: and yet you still make him seem as gay as possible, and apparently, Gay = Annoying. are you sure your not homophobic?

HYDRA RARITY: now, Rainbow Dash, there's no need to resort to insulting one another...

BH0: thank you! now as i-

HYDRA RARITY: ... he can't help having all the comedic wit of crib death.

BH0: ok, you all can officially go to Hell. now piss off, i got a review to-

HYDRA FLUTTERSHY: well, what are you work-

BH0: NOBODY ASKED YOU! SHUT UP!!

HYDRA FLUTTERSHY: eep-!

HYDRA APPLEJACK: hey! you can't treat poor Fluttershy like that!

BH0: dammit, why won't you all fuck off already? i got a review to do... but if you MUST know what it is, it's a Roleplay starring you guys and-

(the Hydra backs off in terror.)

BH0: ooh, that's a bad sign...

HYDRA TWILIGHT: don't play dumb, we know what you look at for reviews...

HYDRA PINKIE PIE: they call me crazy, but you're attracted to things that aren't normal! YOU aren't normal!!

HYDRA RAINBOW DASH: and what you're looking at involves US?! forget it! we're out of here!!

BH0: good call. now piss off...

HYDRA APPLEJACK: uh, were too big for the door, how do we get out of here?

BH0: easy; the magic of Action Narration Guy. Action Narration Guy, if you would be so kind...?

(no problem boss, let's do this; the Hydra Mane Six stumbled back into the time-space vortex they came from, teleporting back to Equestria, with the only injury being Rainbow Dash being smacked upside the head by a passing TARDIS in the Vortex.

... how's that?)

BH0: as always, you do not disappoint...

(awesome. so, when do i finally get paid?)

BH0: we've discussed this; you'll get your first paycheck in your next life, now let's get to work on this thing!

(... asshole.)

so yeah, like i said; this thing i'm reviewing is a Roleplay session. why am i reviewing a Roleplay session? well, i see it as a way to get a look into a writer's storytelling ability, and be able to more efficiently tell where that writer needs improvement. that, and because i'm really frigging bored, so yay, Roleplay review...

first, let's get a look at our actors. meet SylverDeathclaw and Solar's Wrath. while Solar seems to be a more veteran Roleplayer, the only other RP forum Sylver participated in was one that asks you what would you do if you were trapped in Rarity's Uterus.

... and with that out of the way, let's begin, this is "Mane Six Hydra Adventures."

[SYLVER: this need s a better title..

SOLAR: Why? I think its good enough like that…]

ha, the story hasn't even started yet and already, our stars are bickering about the title. sorry i had to include this, but it'll help explain the premise a little more if i did.

Solar asks if Sylver's gonna do some of the Mane Six while she does the rest, or will he be going the self-insert route. Sylver chooses the latter, leaving Solar to juggle six characters with different personalities all at once while he plays the role of some random asshole. wow, when i say it like that, it make's Sylver sound like a bit of a prick...

Solar exposits the setting for Sylver and us;

[SOLAR: Ok so lets do this. Lets say it happen far after the event of the show. The Mane Six disappeared mysteriously long ago. And you find them...]

so this RP takes place in the future, a long time after the events of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. the Mane Six, through some unknown event, have vanished off the face of Equestria. one day, a wayward Pony finds himself lost and stumbles into an adventure he'll never soon forget. basic, but stories never start complex anyway so it's at least decent for just starting off...

[SOLAR: ... So you would need to start the rp with like, you venture in a cave or something like that.]

BH0 (as Sylver): duuhhhhh... ok!

[SYLVER: ventures my way into a cave looking up from my map "this doesn’t seem right did i might a wrong turn?" looked back at my map.]

so the story begins with our mary sue protagonist, named Silvershard, wandering through a strange cave, completely lost... 'or something like that.'

ok, it isn't the best start, since we know nothing about Silvershard other than his name, but it's a Roleplay, what did you expect? it's not like the story should make us care about the characters or- ok you got me, the punchline is "Hoenn Insane."

Hoenn Insane was also created from a Roleplay session, only it actually began things by giving a little backstory on the main cast and didn't start as haphazardly as this story does. as for this story, our hero gets lost in a cave for fuck knows why and decides to continue deeper into the cave because, "fuck it."

[SYLVER: "Well can’t get anymore lost than I already am…" ventures down deeper into the caves lighting the way with my horn.]

granted, in Hoenn Insane, Kenta started his Pokemon Journey because, "fuck it", but i digress. if you make a RP session public, make sure to elaborate your characters motives, don't just throw him or her into a situation. otherwise, it hurts the reader and the other player's immersion, which can really fuck up a story. "it's just a Roleplay" doesn't make your story an exception to this rule. i wouldn't be bringing this up if Solar's Wrath didn't apparently agree with me! take a look at this, it's skipping ahead, but check this shit out;

[SOLAR: ((It would be 10 time better if you could tell me the name of your character and if it can have colors…))

The blond and rainbow maned head just blow some air from their nose at him, they didn’t seemed to like him. The head with light pink mane move forward to him and link him with her large tongue]

sorry to interrupt, but DARN IT, LINK! get out of Fluttershy's mouth! you aren't gonna find Glutko's Lair in there!!

[SYLVER: "oookay hello my names Silvershard and you are?" backing away abit ((grey is his color with a black mane))

(later on in the story...)

SOLAR: ((What is he searching anyway))

SYLVER: ((some old artifacts or junk stuff to sell in general))]

do you see this?! this is asinine!! Solar is completely lost in how to approach Sylver's O.C. since she's never heard anything about him until now. he should've told her this ahead of time, but he didn't, so Solar has to stop the story every few seconds just to get some form of backstory to work with. this can't work with a roleplay story! all participants need to know this kind of stuff about each other's characters so they have some idea of how that character works, and thus, have a better understanding of how the story should work. it's simple: no motive, no immersion, more problems.

but fuck it, damage's done, let's just see how this turned out...

he goes deeper and finds a campfire, believing it belongs to some other travelers who could help him on his way. but soon, he hears loud stomping coming closer to where he was. he ducks under a convenient pile of leaves. it's here that we meet our other star... well, stars, really...

[SOLAR: The sound get closer and closer until a large creature emerge from the darkness and seemed to have six head.]

sixhead? isn't that what Ino says Sakura has? HAHA!! BOOM!!! FOREHEAD JOKE! I AM THE GREATEST COMEDIAN ALIVE! YES!!

Silvershard has just come face-to-faces with the Terror of Tumblr; the Hydra Mane Six. but something's a little different; you see, a thousand years of absolutely no social contact with anyone has done quite a lot of damage on the minds of the Mane Six. they kept their personalities, but lost all memories of who they were as seperate beings, as well as the ability to speak.

which, if you ask me is a bit of an improvement!

HYDRA RAINBOW DASH: (emerging from the Time-Space Vortex.) I heard that, Ghetto Jigsaw!!

BH0: glad to see you got my message, now PISS OFF!

(BH0 kicks Hydra Rainbow Dash's head back into the Time-Space Vortex.)

not only that, but the Hydra Mane Six have also regressed to their most primal of Dragonic instints, so while they kept whatever bits of sanity they had left, they ended up more Beast than Pony. also, they eat meat now, which is kinda sketchy since Dragons eat Gems in this world. but all-in-all, it's a rather interesting rewrite for the Hydra Mane Six.

so, let's see how Sylver screws it all up...

Silvershard tries to duck deeper into the leaves, but his dumb ass rustles up the leaves doing so, getting the Dragon's partial attention. Hydra Pinkie starts making their body jump around for no reason, completely destroying Silvershard's cover. Hydra Rainbow Dash begins to lunge in and snap the intruding Mary Sue's head off, but Hydra Twilight Sparkle stops her because we can't have us a happy ending, now can we?

Hydra Pinkie and Hydra Fluttershy seem to take a liking to Silvershard, why? like i said; Centuries of isolation, it's a wonder they're able to understand the value of social interaction at all. Silvershard asks for one of them to turn on the lights because he wants a better look at them. Hydra Twilight obliges, and Silvershard notices something familiar about this monster.

[SYLVER: "thanks…you all look familiar?"

SOLAR: The top middle head squint her eyes at him as she get closer, pushing the swirl maned one away but she wasn’t recognizing him so she just goes back to where she was and start pestering the Rainbow Mane one for some meat but the Rainbow mane one refuse and they just start fighting over the meat.]

... i have only one question; how would Silvershard recognize any of the Hydra Mane Six if no one has seen them for centuries?

SYLVER: looked around for the exit

SOLAR: ((Can you give more in your post please, you know like i do))

SYLVER: ((yeah sorry ))

SOLAR: ((Well do it ^^’))]

god DAMN IT, Sylver! it's shit like this that spoils that this Roleplay session was doomed to failure! ... oh, by the way, no need hiding it now. Solar does stop the RP because Sylver couldn't get immersed in a puddle without screwing up his part. what could have happened to kill the story so soon? well, were gonna find out!

Hydra Pinkie, and by extent the rest of the Hydra, begins to set up the cave for an "Intruder Party". again, NO SOCIAL INTERACTION IN FOREVER. who am i to fuck this up for them? Hydra Rarity offers Silvershard a Gem as a gift, and Hydra Pinkie gives him a kiss on the cheek. Silvershard asks them for their names, but the Hydra can't, as they cannot recall any memory of their past lives.

also, they can't talk. and you know this. you idiot.

Silvershard decides that it doesn't matter, and he'll think of something to call them by later.

so after Silvershard and the Hydra Mane Six curl up for the night, Silvershard notices that the Dragon bears the symbol of the Elements of Harmony. forgetful of the Hydra's inability to talk, he asks the Hydra about their odd tramp stamp. they show that they understand what he's talking about, but otherwise have no other memory of the artifacts, nor their involvement in the defeat of Nightmare Moon.

they all decide that all these mysteries can wait for tomorrow and go to sleep. ok, so far, so good. it was shaky thanks to Sylver's incompetence clashing with Solar's Wrath's general Roleplay savvy. honestly, i don't think this can be salvaged in the way it's currently going, Solar will have to up the stakes of this roleplay if she hopes to get her partner invested, anything to get this story going proper.

so, Solar; what do you have in mind to get this off the ground?

[SOLAR: They eventually all fell asleep but something strange happened during the night. The next morning, when they all woke up, something had changed. There was a new head on their body and it was right in the middle, over the swirled mane head and under the square dark blue and purple mane one

SYLVER: blinked a couple times yawning "Morning"

SOLAR: The hydra look all at him as he’s another Dragon head on their body, they were all really surprised and wondered how did he ended up there. The swirl mane one was looking over herself at him. He had a dragon head like them and 3 horn, two backward and one forward]

... oh, FUCK.

Solar has officially stopped playing around! through the forbidden magic of "Get-The-Fucking-Plot-Going", Silvershard has somehow merged with the Hydra Mane Six, becoming their seventh head! and you know what? i can't even complain; that'll totally work to get this story going, let's see how this vapid dumbass reacts to THIS news!

[SYLVER: He’d go wide eyed fully awake "Holy crap what happened!"

None of them knew what happened but the fact ware there, he was now a head between them and part of the Hydra now. The Swirl head smiled, she actually liked it and plant a kiss on his cheek.]

well, he's probably not happy! i think i know where this is going; now that he's fused to the Hydra, and obviously doesn't want to stay that way forever, Silvershard must help the Hydra Mane Six find a way to reverse whatever happened to him, while at the same time uncovering the Hydra Mane Six's lost identities. genius! i couldn't have came up with anything better than that! now that we have the plot in motion, we can-

[SYLVER: he’d blush at the kiss "this is going to take some getting used to" looked around for where my saddle bag went.

SOLAR: The saddle bag was down on the leaves where he was laid down the previous night. The swirly mane head was totaly in love with him and just keep kissing him, the dark blue head, the rainbow and the blond one were just giggling at them.

SYLVER: used my magic to take the gem out of my bag giving it back to the swirly maned one "Well i won’t be taking this i guess then"]

... wha-?

[SOLAR: The swirly maned head shook her head, grab it in her magic and move it back toward him it was a gift from her good generosity and wasn’t going to get it back.

SYLVER: "Alright" places it back in my saddlebag moving that over to a corner "So any thing to do in here?"]

oh my god... this moron has completley resigned to his fate, has he? for the love of- Sylver!! what the hell are you doing?! Solar didn't fuse your character to hers because she's kinky like that!! you are the Main Character, the story cannot go on without you!! you can't just leave your character like this forever, Solar is trying to get you to advance the story. YOU ARE THE BLACK GIANT, SUPPORT! FUFILL YOUR DESTINY AND REVERSE THE CURRENT REALITY AS IT IS PRESENT!! you can't just... give up...

i should stop the review right here, there's no point in continuing now that Silver's completely fucked the plot in the eyesocket! but we're almost at the end, so let's see how far we get before Solar get's completely fed up...

so Silvershard, COMPLETELY AT PEACE WITH BEING ASSIMILATED INTO A HYDRA'S BODY WITHOUT HIS, OR THE HYDRA'S CONSENT OR INPUT, begins to help the Hydra Mane Six tear into their breakfast; a massive piece of meat right the fuck outta nowhere. the Breakfast of Champions, if i heard right...

[SOLAR: The Rainbow Mane one then grab the meat and move it to him, then they lay down their body on the floor and smile at him. The head right over him was trying to search what caused that, she levitated some book to herself and started to study.]

how Hydra Twilight can still read when it's established she's devolved into a feral animal, i'll never know...

[SYLVER: took a bite out of the meat giving it a taste "eh not bad"

SOLAR: Since he was now a dragon, he could eat meat and taste it as something good

They all smiled at him and the swirl head one took a small bite from his mouth and smile at him as she chew the little chunk of meat.]

my god, Silver was a Herbivorous pony his entire life up to this point and he isn't even the least bit creeped out about liking meat!? again, don't Dragons in this world eat gems? or literally anything else? you know, to avoid the implications of uh, you know, murder...?

[SYLVER: smiled aswell swallowing the meat "wait..does this mean im female now ._."]

*Headdesk*
...
*Headdesk*
...
*Headdesk*
...
God Damn It, Silvershard, you are the worst Support EVER.

they check and find no penis, Thank God. so yes, Silver; you are an idio- er, i mean, a girl. Solar even makes it clear that Silvershard's features and voice were also altered due to the gender-bending. his reaction? "OH WELL!"

[SYLVER: "Well this is new…and another thing to get used to any luck finding out what happened?" looked up at the one reading.

SOLAR: The one reading was back to focus on the book after helping him to verify if he was now a she but when he peeked in she moved the book away and made a grumpy face.

SYLVER: moved my head back down "Sorry."]

what a way to end a Roleplay session; even Hydra Twilight is fed up with Silvershard's spineless bullshit.

[SOLAR: ((I really feel like you don’t enough effort in the rp :/))]

couldn't have said it any better myself...

the curtain abruptly falls on this story and both our actors resign for the night, leaving the fate of the Hydra Mane Six+1 up in the air. personally, i don't think they need the extra company; just snap his head off like a Monochromatic Slim Jim and be done with it...

like Solar said, SylverDeathclaw didn't put any effort in the story or in his part in the story. just opting to roll with whatever Solar says happens, no matter how extreme. sorry, Sylver, but stories don't work that way. if your collaborating on a story with someone, you have to also contribute to the plot, don't just heap all the entire thing on your partner. otherwise, the story becomes too pointless to continue.

next time, if Solar will allow a next time, try pulling your own weight and actually try to bring something to the plot. don't leave your partner to drag you around like dead weight, or in this case, another mouth to feed...

that was my first edition of Roleplay Corner. let me know what you think in the comments, and if you have any bad Roleplays for me to look at, tell me about it and maybe i'll make them my next episode. until next time, this is Blackheartzero, the Underground Song Critic, and That's Scene!...

i wonder what Goth Mod and Peanut would think about this...?