WORST FIVE YEARS OF MY LIFE! - Prolouge

PROLOUGE:

a familiar scene plays before you...

a seemingly normal High School, plauged by a greedy, evil force hellbent on Universal Domination...

the students are all brainwashed, bent to this force's horrible will, all except six seemingly normal humans and their talking dog, who are the only thing standing between this new monster and it's wicked plan...

you'd think this was the season finale to some dumbass anime, but the truth is more terrifying than you can imagine...

ignoring the final battle of Megalomaniacal Demon Lord vs. girls and dog, two lesser demons, servants of the evil force, are chasing a being hidden in shadow, another hero from humble beginnings, hellbent on the evil's demise. a noble warrior who fights to avenge a fallen ally, jumping along the rooftop of the school, avoiding hellfire blasts from the demons persuing him, shouting words of justified vengance...

"you bastards are gonna pay for destroying my beer!!!"

... ok, so maybe "Hero" is not the right word to decribe him...

the mysterious being stops in front of a raging fire caused by one of the demon's miscalculated blasts. the raging flames illuminate his form. the being is a Glacion, an ice-type Pokemon who is one of the many evolutions of the Pokemon Eevee, standing on his hindlegs although it's supposed to be a quadrupedal animal. his fur coloration was a bit off, instead of a very faint blue with teal-blue ear bangs, his entire body was teal-blue with Navy-blue patches of fur in his ears, on the tips of his limbs and hair bangs. with a crest of navy-blue hair on his forehead, which is normal for a common, everyday Glacion.

what wasn't normal was his face, where he had a comically huge moustache with yellow, messed up teeth under it, obscuring where the Pokemon's nose and mouth would normally be. his eyes were comically bulgy and facing off in different angles. dispite this, he seemed to be able to see perfectly fine, in fact, his total confidence seems to hint that he believes the was the textbook-definition of, how he would put it, "a sexy badass." clutched in the front paws of the creature were a half-empty bottle of 190-Proof Clear Vodka and a Elephant Hunter's Sniper Rifle. taking a swig from the bottle, the Glacion looks down from where he's standing and comments,

"hm, how the hell did i get up here? i didn't know i could even jump this high!"

the Pokemon's monolouge is cut short as the two demons that were chasing him finally catch up. the short, blue one shouts, "there you are! you've been a pain in Lady Sunset Shimmer's ass for far too long." the taller, red demon adds, "yeah! the boss is gonna reward us big time for shutting you up for good!"

"oh hey, it's Pain and Panic from 'Hercules'! did Hades escape the River Styx yet?" the Pokemon jokes, taking another drink of liquid courage. he Empties the bottle and tosses it at the Blue Demon's head. who yells in pain, "HEY! what the Hell was that for!?" he stops rubbing his head for a second, realising how pathetic he looks, then yells in fake confidence, "-er, i mean, HA! you thought that could hurt me!? Lady Sunset has made us unkillible!"

"oh?" the Pokemon chimes in, "so firecrotch hasn't killed you two off yet? isn't that what villains are supposed to do to their lackies after they gain ultimate power?"

"that's bullcrap! the boss would never do that, this is a Kid's Movie!" the red demon yells, "just who the Hell do you think you are!?"

cracking his neck, loading the Rifle with new bullets and taking aim, the Pokemon answers;

"i told you bastards my name a hundred times, Snips and Snails, but you never gave a shit. i'd never repeat myself, but i'm in a good mood, soi'll humor you: the name's Follow Me, I Have A Spare Space In My Den! i'm drunk as Hell, and tonight, i'mma make you my Bitch!!!"

Follow Me, I Have A Spare Space In My Den fires the rifle, the bullet heading straight for Snip's skull. but before the bullet could even make an impact, it stops midflight, evaporating into non-existance. Snips laughs at the Glacion's attempt to take his life, which is funny, seeing as how Snips flinched like a bitch when the bullet was fired.

"no, wait!" Follow Me, I Have A Spare Space In My Den replied, astonished, "you're supposed to die when the bullet hits you, that's how guns work!"

Snips and Snails laugh at the Pokemon's confusion, they both launch Fireballs at him. the flames mingle and combine into a massive ball of raging Hellfire, to big for even a badass like Follow Me, I Have A Spare Space In My Den to dodge.

"OK, that tears it!" Follow Me, I Have A Spare Space In My Den shouts as he is caught by the massive fireball, "Canterlot High SUUUUUUUCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

the fireball leaves a gigantic hole in the school where Follow Me, I Have A Spare Space In My Den was standing. Snips and Snails fly into the hole, checking for a body to present to their dark master. their shocked to find Follow Me, I Have A Spare Space In My Den, who had somehow survived the impact, digging himself out of the rubble.

"i swear, next year, i'm transferring to East High," Follow Me, I Have A Spare Space In My Den says to himself, "nothing bad ever happens there!"

he was horribly wrong, but that's a completely different story for another day...

TO BE CONTINUED...